Pinch Me, I Must Be Dreaming!

I'm actually in my new house. I can't believe it.

A whole week later and many unpacked boxes later (and many more to go), I finally have the normal necessities I have grown so accustomed to...except for my dinner plates. Those are still proving to be quite elusive. I was getting so tired of eating off of little kid plastic plates that I went to the Dollar Tree the other day and purchased some dinner plates. They aren't all that bad for spending only a dollar per plate.

I just now got my Internet set up or I would have posted sooner.

Our closing went VERY smoothly. Almost too smoothly. We were in and out of there in less than an hour. I take that as God's final blessing to reassure us that regardless of all we had been through with the banks and underwriters, He wanted us to have this house in the end. Boy, was this whole ordeal quite the headache. There were a few times throughout this whole process where I was starting to doubt whether or not we were supposed to get this house after all. Looking back to how things were for us a year ago, I NEVER would have guessed in my wildest dreams that we would end up here in this city with these jobs and a house that by far exceeds my expectations on what we could qualify for. God has been so good to us.

My parents were such a great help for us during the move. They took the girls for the entire weekend so we could move without worrying about the kids being underfoot while trying to get things moved into the house. One of the most exciting things about all this was being able to go through boxes of stuff that we hadn't seen since last October! That might also be the reason why I can't find my plates. We did have to move quickly, so we weren't really thinking about putting things in boxes and in ways that would be easy to find.

It was so exciting bringing the girls back home to our new house. Jason and I were looking forward to that the entire weekend. We just couldn't wait to see the looks on their faces when they saw their rooms with their beds set up, and all their bedding freshly washed and waiting for them.

Most of my week this week has been consumed with various unpacking and cleaning. I was so overwhelmed with all the unpacking. I didn't seem to be making a dent in anything; after all, I did rearrange my closet six different times this week! I decided that yesterday would officially be "do nothing" day. We ran a bunch of various other errands, but with regards to unpacking or rearranging, I did not do it. It was a nice break. The one thing I have been dreading most is getting the girls' stuff in order. They have SO MANY TOYS! It seemed like a lot when we were living in the basement, but that was the basement. That was 1/4 the size of my whole house now! Now they have TONS of toys that they have recently rediscovered that were hiding in storage for the past eight months.

That has actually been a blessing in disguise. The girls have been so well entertained by toys they haven't seen in months, that they are so consumed with playing that I don't hear from them for hours at a time! That has been nice when unpacking, but they are also leaving quite the trail of various toys behind them. We'll have to re-train them to keep their toys in their rooms instead of strewn all over the house.

Today Jason decided to take the day off work and help me out with the unpacking. We also got a lot of other things done, too! We bought an over-the-stove microwave, and we even got to install it. We also got a great counter-height table for our little nook in the kitchen. We needed a little something for the girls to eat breakfast there instead of going into the dining room to eat. This table is so cool. I'm going to have to take a picture of that and the microwave and post them for next time.

We are also in the middle of our painting project. The family room was pumpkin orange when we bought the house, and now we are in the middle of painting the room in normal colors. What took so long was painting the walls with primer first so the orange doesn't bleed through and altar the color of the new paint. I will have to post a picture of that too when we are done. This has definitely been a busy week, but I am so grateful to be here now. Now this whole move, eight months later, seems real.

Happy Birthday Meghan

Today is Meghan's 5th birthday.

I can't hardly believe she is already 5 years old. I know that doesn't seem very long to some people who have kids who are much older, but these past few years have gone by so quickly.

Meghan has grown up so much just in this past year I am excited for what this year has in store for her. Every day she is amazing me with something else she has learned or with her ability to charm me with her great personality. I know many parents feel this way about their children, so this shouldn't be anything new. I was reflecting on what I had to say about Meghan on her birthday last year, (which you can read here) and I would have to say that Meghan continues to grow in her compassion and love for others, her desire to learn, and being such a good friend to anyone who is around her.

Lately one of Meghan's favorite things to do is to draw pictures for people and to roll them up like a scroll which is held together with a rubber band. It's pretty cute. She LOVES to play on the computer on this website which is great for early literacy development. She is ALWAYS asking me to spell words for her as she has come to the realization that words contain letters and that each letter in a word work with the others to create specific sounds. This is a very exciting age.

I am so blessed to have her in my life. I am so excited for what God is doing in her life and how she is continually learning more about Him and what it means to love Him. I just pray that Meghan continues to learn more about all God has to offer us and that she will learn to listen to God and how to follow Him in everything in her life. I love you, my Meggie Beth. Happy Birthday.

Now What?

I didn't get the job.

I'm just beside myself right now not knowing what to do. There's very little out there right now for teaching positions. Not too many schools are hiring in the middle of the school year.

I just feel so lost. Like I'm just hanging out here in limbo somewhere just waiting for something to happen, but nothing does happen. I can't help but feel so lost. Jason and I took a HUGE risk and uprooted everything and left everything that was familiar and comfortable and left it all for something we felt that God was orchestrating. I still feel that we are in the right place at the right time, but I can't help but doubt parts of it. What about me? Wasn't I supposed to get something out of this? What is that one key point or idea that I am missing? Will everything else work out seamlessly if I just get that one main concept God is trying to teach me?

I feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz right now. She had the power to go home the entire time while in Oz, but she didn't know it until the end of the story. She had to go through all the other stuff first before she was able to understand the moral that she was to take with her even after her adventure in Oz. Is this how it's going to be with me? Do I have to continue down my yellow brick road and stumble occasionally before defeating the wicked witch? Only to discover that I had the power all along to do what I ultimately wanted to do in the first place?

I know that some people dream of a point in their lives where they find themselves at a crossroads where they are given the opportunity to reinvent themselves, but I am not really diggin' it right now. I already know what I want to do. Or at least I think I do.

I know I can always be a substitute teacher, but the hard thing about that is the issue of daycare. I don't know how consistent things would be with subbing and if my paycheck could offset the cost of daycare. Jason thinks I should go back to school and get my masters in Deaf Education. I'm okay with that, but it's too late to enroll for the Spring semester, so then that takes me to next Fall. Okay, but what do I do for the next six months? I need something to take me that far.

I don't know what I'm going to do or where God is leading me right now. I know that God has a plan for me, but I'm just so deep in the midst of everything right now that I can't see it...and it's so horribly aggravating not knowing where you are going in your own life. I never knew until now how much of a purpose-driven person I am. I desperately need a purpose right now, and I don't feel like I have one and it's got me all out of sorts.

Feeling A Bit Anxious

Okay, here I go. I have my first interview today since quiting my job and moving to the Springs. I am very excited, but definitely a bit anxious. I feel somewhat lacking in the skills department, but I guess it stands to reason that aren't we all lacking in skills with most jobs we start at? Then through learning on the job, we all get better and more versatile with what we can contribute to the job? I guess so. I'm satisfied with that reasoning.

The thing about this job I am interviewing for is that I believe it is THE job God moved us down here for. So what am I worried about??? This being yet another example of God revealing to me the plans He has in store for me, but yet again having to wait for the right timing. This is most definitely THE hardest life lesson that I don't seem to learn well the first time.

I also feel a little pressure (from nobody but myself) to get this job because doing so would open us up financially so that Jason and I can finally buy our house. I am grateful for family that has allowed us to live with them temporarily, but I am just excited to have my own space again.

Audrey

Today is Audrey's 3rd birthday. It's funny how quickly I am able to remember the exact details of the day she entered this world. From the exact time my water broke, to the clothes I wore that day, to the last moments before she was born. She has touched me in such a way that only a parent could understand how a child can affect their life. Forever. I am truly blessed to be her mother. Audrey is such a sweet little girl. I remember what life was like before she was born, and I remember wondering how she would fit into our existing family. It's funny because now I can't imagine what life would be like without her. She is such an important piece in our lives that there would be an Audrey-sized hole in our lives if she were not here with us. There are so many things I love about her, but here are some of the main things that melt my heart:

1. Audrey will melt your heart no matter what she does. It doesn't matter what she is doing--she puts her own flair into the things she does that amaze you and leave you in a puddle of mush on the floor. Like when she takes off her shirt only to the point where the head hole is stuck around the top of her head so that it looks as though her shirt is her new hair. She is then often found prancing around showing off her new hair while flipping it around. It doesn't matter how angry you may be with her at a particular moment because she will just look at you with those big blue eyes and your heart will be hers. Thankfully, she is unaware of this power she has over us because I can definitely see her using it for evil if the situation presents itself. One of my favorite things she does is when she clacks around the tile floor in my heels. Yes, I do get annoyed sometimes at the noise, but it's just so cute how her little feet are swallowed up by my size-10 heels.
   
2. Audrey is super lovable. She is such a bundle of energy and so full of love that you can't help but to fall in love with her. She is ALWAYS willing to give hugs to anyone even if you don't ask for one. I know that after a long day at work, I can always depend on her to make me feel better with an Audrey hug. She just has that way about her that you can't help but to be drawn to her. Another thing she does that just melts my heart is when she calls me "sweetie". She will mimic what I do and how I talk, and then she will talk to me as if our roles had switched and then I am the sweetie. Too cute.
   
3. Audrey is a girlie-girl. She LOVES anything that is deemed "girlie". She is a princess--that is in her own opinion. Audrey will wear a dress everyday if they don't all get dirty first. She will take all her baby dolls everywhere she goes if allowed. Her favorite game to play with Meghan is mommy and baby where Audrey is the mommy most often. She is often found sleeping with her dress-up dresses over her PJ's. She would wear her play heels to daycare if she were allowed to do so. Audrey loves to sit next to me on my bed while I put on my makeup. She likes to play with all my brushes and to "put on" makeup of her own. Audrey got three different types of dress-up clothes for her birthday and couldn't be happier. If only there was a way she could wear everything at once.

Here's some of my favorite pictures of Audrey:

Audrey was born a week early and she was so tiny compared to her sister.

Audrey's first Independence Day Parade. I had too much playing with her to care about the parade.

Audrey's first daycare photo. I just love the look on her face in this picture.

Audrey absolutely LOVED this giraffe costume. She would wear it all day for several days if I let her. She was so upset when she grew out of it.

I adore this picture of Audrey. I took it while on our vacation this past summer. She just looks so grown up here.

Meghan and Audrey will always be the best of friends. It makes me so happy listening to them play together. I hope Audrey knows how lucky she is to have a sister who is her best friend. It's pretty special.

I love my Audrey so much. My birthday prayer for her is that she will continue to grow and learn more about the love God has for each and every one of us. May she continue to be blessed with good health and that she will one day hear God's calling in her life and that she will willingly follow His plan. I love you, Audrey. Happy Birthday, sweetie.

Class Reunion

Here I am 10 years after graduating from High School. I can't believe it has been that long.

My class reunion was this weekend, and I was definitely looking forward to it. I never really kept in contact with my classmates, so I was looking forward to this new opportunity to do better this time around. I was excited to show everyone how different I am and how much of a better person I am (or at least that's how I feel). I truly think I have really grown a lot as a person. I am happy with who I have become.

I know that in High School I was just like every other teenager: feeling pretty awkward most of the time and just wanting so badly for others to accept me for who I was. I find that not much has changed in that area. I'm just 10 years older, and still feeling the strong need for people to accept and like me. I have always been that way. What can I say, I'm a people pleaser. I will be that way until the day I die.

I never had that one true best friend in High School. Yeah, I had friends, but not that one true friend that would be there for me no matter what. That is still something I long for even today. In school I would find myself wandering from one group of friends to another depending on who I felt most comfortable with from one day to another. I think that is why I still don't have that one true friend. It does make me sad to see all my other classmates still hanging out with each other, and here I am still trying to find who I feel the most comfortable around.

I went to the first event last night not knowing what to expect. I arrived to find many familiar faces of people whom I was surprised to remember their names. What surprised me more was that there were many who remembered me. I just thought I was just "some girl" in the midst of our nearly 400-student class. There were a lot of people who I expected to see there, but many who I had hoped to see were not there. Many of the people who I hung out with were not there, and again I found myself wandering around and making small talk to people I knew, but we never hung out in school. I felt just as socially awkward as I did in school. It's funny how I think I have changed in 10 years only to find that I am just the same.

It didn't surprise me to find that the people who were freakishly attractive are still the same, but the only thing different is that they have found an equally attractive spouse with amazingly beautiful children. The token screw-ups are still just as much of screw-ups and already drunk within an hour of the reunion starting. There are the same cliques, and the same group of people who still won't talk to you even after 10 years.

I was encouraged, though by many people who were genuinely interested in finding out what I had been up to and what is going on in my life. That was nice to find. I was also surprised to find those who never took the time to talk to me before, were eager to talk to me. It's funny how things have changed...and how they haven't.

It was good to see some familiar faces, but I left still feeling just as empty and friendless as before. I still hope to find that true friend someday.

Meghan

Tomorrow is Meghan's 4th birthday. I know she has only been in our lives this short period of time, but every day I thank God for the blessing she has been in our life. It's hard for me to look back and remember what life was like before she was around. Sometimes I find myself just watching her as she plays in her own little world and many times I find myself welling up with tears because I am so grateful that God has blessed me with the privilege of being Meghan's mother. Now I have a better understanding of how my parents felt about me and my siblings and how much they love and adore us. Meghan is an amazing little girl. Here are some of the things I love most about her:

1. Even at 4 years of age, she is considerate and always thinking of others. Whenever Meghan asks for something, she always asks for another one for Audrey. She always remembers to say "please" and "thank you" even without being prompted to do so. When there are times that I am having a hard day, or may be not feeling well, Meghan tries her best to find ways to make me happy. It may be by coloring me a picture, singing me a song, or even playing with Audrey to distract her because "Mommy is a little bit sad," she says. She is so thoughtful.
2. Meghan is full of love. She is always going around telling us that she loves us and that she loves her sister too. It's not just the "I love you, Mom," but it is truly sincere. It's interesting to see that she does know what love means to her and that she knows how to express and show it to those around her. She's one of those kids whose eyes twinkle not out of maliciousness, but out of the love she has to share. Meghan is always looking out for her sister and tries her best to take care of her the best she can. They are great buddies. It's precious to watch the two of them play together and to tell each other that they love each other.
3. Meghan is a great storyteller. She loves to be told stories and she enjoys re-telling stories to anyone who listens. Just the other day she was telling me and Jason the story of "The Three Little Pigs," and she even went so far as making all the little voices for each of the characters. She was hilarious! We couldn't stop laughing.
4. Meghan is my little buddy. We love to go run errands together. Just the two of us. I remember how much I looked forward to having "date night" with my mom, so I know how much Meghan must enjoy spending time with just the two of us. One of my favorite things to do is to sit and cuddle with her. Of course our cuddling sessions quickly turn into "tickle time" instead. She is so irresistibly tickle-able. I can't help myself. That little giggle of hers is so hard for me to resist.
5. Meghan is so smart. She is always coming home from daycare with something new she has learned. It amazes me sometimes when I hear the things she has learned. One time while driving home from daycare, she started singing the song, "Jonah Didn't Listen," in Spanish! I couldn't believe my ears! She had sung that song numerous times at home, but then all of a sudden she started singing it in Spanish. That was totally cool. It is so exciting being able to share with the excitement of learning new things. I think that part of that is because learning is pretty exciting for me already considering the fact that I'm a teacher.

Here's some of my favorite pictures of her:

Meghan was born on her due date. That doesn't happen often. She was so precious.

Meghan's first Halloween. I love this picture of her.

Meghan loves hats. There's something about putting on a hat and feeling like you are a totally different person.

This has to be one of my most favorite pictures of her. I love how the setting sun made her little curls just sparkle. This was one of my favorite trips with the girls and how we had so much fun just relaxing and enjoying our time together as a family.

Meghan and Audrey are great buddies. I hope they learn to appreciate how lucky they are to have a best friend in a sister. I know I do.

Meghan is such a happy little girl. We are so blessed.

I love my Meghan so much. My birthday prayer for her is that she will continue to grow and learn more about the love God has for each and every one of us. May she continue to be blessed with good health and that she will one day hear God's calling in her life and that she will willingly follow His plan. I love you, Meghan and Happy Birthday.

"Shupa"

My oldest daughter, Meghan, has an imaginary friend. Her name is Shupa. From what I understand, Shupa is like a shadow that can fit in your hands, but is every bit human as anyone else. I think Meghan got the shadow thing from watching Peter Pan. Shupa has been known to play with Meghan and Audrey, go to the store with us, and even share Meghan's bed with her. One time Meghan was "carrying" Shupa in her hands at the store when she had to go potty. Meghan handed Shupa to Jason and quickly made her way to the bathroom. When Meghan was finished, she remembered to ask Jason to have Shupa back.

Meghan continues to talk about Shupa and takes her along to many places. The other day when playing along with Meghan's stories about Shupa, I told her that Shupa came to school with me and got to meet all my students. Here's our conversation:

Me: Meghan, did you know that Shupa came to school with me today?

Meghan: Really? But Shupa's not here now. She's at home. She's a little bit sick.

Me: Oh, really. I thought she was fine because she came to my school today.

Meghan: Well she has a tummy ache. She's at home now because she needed to throw up in the toilet.

Me: Ew! Gross! Good thing she threw up in the toilet, huh?

Meghan: Yeah, and then she threw up on my bed!

Me: Ew! What are you going to do?

Meghan: And then she threw up on your bed and Audrey's bed!

Me: Well, I hope Shupa feels better soon. Maybe we need to give her some medicine when we get home, huh?

Meghan: Yeah. That's a good idea.

The thing that gets funnier with this is that when we got home and got the girls' jammies on to go to bed, Meghan insisted that she not get on her bed because Shupa threw up on it! The imagination on that girl is so amazing sometimes! Thankfully she was satisfied with my pretend washing and cleaning her bed so it would be clean enough for her to sleep in her own bed that night.