I didn't get the job.
I'm just beside myself right now not knowing what to do. There's very little out there right now for teaching positions. Not too many schools are hiring in the middle of the school year.
I just feel so lost. Like I'm just hanging out here in limbo somewhere just waiting for something to happen, but nothing does happen. I can't help but feel so lost. Jason and I took a HUGE risk and uprooted everything and left everything that was familiar and comfortable and left it all for something we felt that God was orchestrating. I still feel that we are in the right place at the right time, but I can't help but doubt parts of it. What about me? Wasn't I supposed to get something out of this? What is that one key point or idea that I am missing? Will everything else work out seamlessly if I just get that one main concept God is trying to teach me?
I feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz right now. She had the power to go home the entire time while in Oz, but she didn't know it until the end of the story. She had to go through all the other stuff first before she was able to understand the moral that she was to take with her even after her adventure in Oz. Is this how it's going to be with me? Do I have to continue down my yellow brick road and stumble occasionally before defeating the wicked witch? Only to discover that I had the power all along to do what I ultimately wanted to do in the first place?
I know that some people dream of a point in their lives where they find themselves at a crossroads where they are given the opportunity to reinvent themselves, but I am not really diggin' it right now. I already know what I want to do. Or at least I think I do.
I know I can always be a substitute teacher, but the hard thing about that is the issue of daycare. I don't know how consistent things would be with subbing and if my paycheck could offset the cost of daycare. Jason thinks I should go back to school and get my masters in Deaf Education. I'm okay with that, but it's too late to enroll for the Spring semester, so then that takes me to next Fall. Okay, but what do I do for the next six months? I need something to take me that far.
I don't know what I'm going to do or where God is leading me right now. I know that God has a plan for me, but I'm just so deep in the midst of everything right now that I can't see it...and it's so horribly aggravating not knowing where you are going in your own life. I never knew until now how much of a purpose-driven person I am. I desperately need a purpose right now, and I don't feel like I have one and it's got me all out of sorts.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Feeling A Bit Anxious
Okay, here I go. I have my first interview today since quiting my job and moving to the Springs. I am very excited, but definitely a bit anxious. I feel somewhat lacking in the skills department, but I guess it stands to reason that aren't we all lacking in skills with most jobs we start at? Then through learning on the job, we all get better and more versatile with what we can contribute to the job? I guess so. I'm satisfied with that reasoning.
The thing about this job I am interviewing for is that I believe it is THE job God moved us down here for. So what am I worried about??? This being yet another example of God revealing to me the plans He has in store for me, but yet again having to wait for the right timing. This is most definitely THE hardest life lesson that I don't seem to learn well the first time.
I also feel a little pressure (from nobody but myself) to get this job because doing so would open us up financially so that Jason and I can finally buy our house. I am grateful for family that has allowed us to live with them temporarily, but I am just excited to have my own space again.
The thing about this job I am interviewing for is that I believe it is THE job God moved us down here for. So what am I worried about??? This being yet another example of God revealing to me the plans He has in store for me, but yet again having to wait for the right timing. This is most definitely THE hardest life lesson that I don't seem to learn well the first time.
I also feel a little pressure (from nobody but myself) to get this job because doing so would open us up financially so that Jason and I can finally buy our house. I am grateful for family that has allowed us to live with them temporarily, but I am just excited to have my own space again.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Where Has The Time Gone?
I can't believe it's already December.
I am sitting here reflecting on how drastically my life has changed since September, and I can't believe all this has happened and that I survived it all. Jason quit and started a new job, the girls started at a new daycare, and I quit my job. Most importantly, we have sold our house and we have moved past that obstacle so quickly it sometimes doesn't even seem real. I didn't get much time to process that part. That's what happens when you sell your house in only 4 days.
I would have to say that the most stressful thing about selling our house was having to deal with the petty demands from our buyers. I don't know if those people had ever purchased a home before, but I was getting really sick of them demanding silly little things and making it sound like such a big deal that it would cost us the sale of our house.
Seriously, there are thousands of houses in the world that are in worse condition than ours was in. The things that needed to be fixed were so minor, they had nothing to do with the integrity of the structure itself which would be a greater concern than making sure there was a carbon monoxide detector by the bedrooms. After we had the inspection, I was very pleased to find out that the things that needed to be taken care of were extremely minor and fairly inexpensive. Especially considering the state of the house when we purchased it as a foreclosure over 5 years ago.
I would have to say that the most frustrating thing we had to fix was putting a cover on our window well that lead to the basement. This was something we looked at purchasing a few years ago, but we soon discovered that there is no standard size for window wells, nor did we have a normal size that would fit just about any cover that could be found at your local home improvement store. We ended up purchasing a cover that was more than we wanted to spend, but it was the ONLY one that would fit our obscure size as the cover was adjustable.
When the buyers did their final walk through, they were very upset with the cover we purchased as they didn't feel it was secure enough. It was strong enough to support the weight of two adult males, but they were concerned their toddler would fall through. Give me a break! They also said that it was too loose. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Buyer, first of all, the cover was installed per the installation directions, and you also need to consider that if there is a fire and you are stuck in the basement, you need those little gaps to grab hold of and push the cover out of the way and escape safely. They first asked us to return it, but we refused as all packaging had been disposed of. They then had the nerve to ask us to fork over another additional $500 to have a cover custom made. I don't think so! There were a few other petty demands, but thankfully we were able to get past them and close on our house on the 24th of November.
Here we are living in our new city, but still homeless. We are grateful for wonderful family who have opened up their home and graciously allowed us to invade their home and temporarily call it our own. I have been unemployed for about a month now, and I am definitely feeling the strain of needing to get a job. I adore my girls, but I am not made to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy our summers together, but just about when I am feeling the need to be back at work, the summer is winding down anyways. The girls are also feeling the strain of fewer opportunities for social interaction. The job market isn't really very promising right now. Especially for teachers. Not many teachers leave in the middle of the school year. Except for me.
I do have a job interview set up, but I am feeling somewhat anxious about it. I know in my heart that this is something God had showed to me over a year ago, but I am still struggling with where he is leading me. The job I am interviewing for is basically THE ONLY position available right now, but I am not fully qualified for this position. I had a dream last night that I was basically laughed at during the interview due to my inexperience in this particular field. I know my dream was due to my anxieties and feelings that I am not qualified for the job. I really want this job. I know that if I do get this job, it is yet another confirmation of God's promise for my life and that all we have put our family through in the past few months would all have been for this job and where God is leading me. The other good thing about getting this job is that we would be that much closer to getting our new house. I can't wait to get back into our own place again. Life has been everything but normal for the past few months. I almost forgot what normal looked like.
I am sitting here reflecting on how drastically my life has changed since September, and I can't believe all this has happened and that I survived it all. Jason quit and started a new job, the girls started at a new daycare, and I quit my job. Most importantly, we have sold our house and we have moved past that obstacle so quickly it sometimes doesn't even seem real. I didn't get much time to process that part. That's what happens when you sell your house in only 4 days.
I would have to say that the most stressful thing about selling our house was having to deal with the petty demands from our buyers. I don't know if those people had ever purchased a home before, but I was getting really sick of them demanding silly little things and making it sound like such a big deal that it would cost us the sale of our house.
Seriously, there are thousands of houses in the world that are in worse condition than ours was in. The things that needed to be fixed were so minor, they had nothing to do with the integrity of the structure itself which would be a greater concern than making sure there was a carbon monoxide detector by the bedrooms. After we had the inspection, I was very pleased to find out that the things that needed to be taken care of were extremely minor and fairly inexpensive. Especially considering the state of the house when we purchased it as a foreclosure over 5 years ago.
I would have to say that the most frustrating thing we had to fix was putting a cover on our window well that lead to the basement. This was something we looked at purchasing a few years ago, but we soon discovered that there is no standard size for window wells, nor did we have a normal size that would fit just about any cover that could be found at your local home improvement store. We ended up purchasing a cover that was more than we wanted to spend, but it was the ONLY one that would fit our obscure size as the cover was adjustable.
When the buyers did their final walk through, they were very upset with the cover we purchased as they didn't feel it was secure enough. It was strong enough to support the weight of two adult males, but they were concerned their toddler would fall through. Give me a break! They also said that it was too loose. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Buyer, first of all, the cover was installed per the installation directions, and you also need to consider that if there is a fire and you are stuck in the basement, you need those little gaps to grab hold of and push the cover out of the way and escape safely. They first asked us to return it, but we refused as all packaging had been disposed of. They then had the nerve to ask us to fork over another additional $500 to have a cover custom made. I don't think so! There were a few other petty demands, but thankfully we were able to get past them and close on our house on the 24th of November.
Here we are living in our new city, but still homeless. We are grateful for wonderful family who have opened up their home and graciously allowed us to invade their home and temporarily call it our own. I have been unemployed for about a month now, and I am definitely feeling the strain of needing to get a job. I adore my girls, but I am not made to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy our summers together, but just about when I am feeling the need to be back at work, the summer is winding down anyways. The girls are also feeling the strain of fewer opportunities for social interaction. The job market isn't really very promising right now. Especially for teachers. Not many teachers leave in the middle of the school year. Except for me.
I do have a job interview set up, but I am feeling somewhat anxious about it. I know in my heart that this is something God had showed to me over a year ago, but I am still struggling with where he is leading me. The job I am interviewing for is basically THE ONLY position available right now, but I am not fully qualified for this position. I had a dream last night that I was basically laughed at during the interview due to my inexperience in this particular field. I know my dream was due to my anxieties and feelings that I am not qualified for the job. I really want this job. I know that if I do get this job, it is yet another confirmation of God's promise for my life and that all we have put our family through in the past few months would all have been for this job and where God is leading me. The other good thing about getting this job is that we would be that much closer to getting our new house. I can't wait to get back into our own place again. Life has been everything but normal for the past few months. I almost forgot what normal looked like.
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