What A Crazy Week

I finally got a job.

Last Wednesday didn't exactly go as I had expected it to go. I got a call in the morning on Wednesday letting me know that I didn't get the job I interviewed for the week before. It didn't really bother me all that much. I was okay with it. I was just starting to get into a groove and really enjoying my time at home with my girls. I know, you'd say that after THREE months of being unemployed, why was I just now starting to get used to being a stay-at-home mom? Well, I was so consumed with trying to find a job that it took me a while to be satisfied with where God had me. I was obsessed. I was checking district websites multiple times a day just to see that just maybe they'd post something through the course of the day, and I wanted to be the first person to apply.

It took me quite some time to finally admit the fact that I just might not get that job after all, and that I would just end up getting a job for the Fall. I was okay with that. Really. I was. Wednesday afternoon I was sharing with Aunt Kim (whom we live with right now) that I didn't get the job and that it didn't really bother me all that much. Right in the middle of our conversation, I got the call. I was told that the person they offered the job to was unable to commit to the position, so they called me instead. What a shock that was! I was totally and completely caught off-guard. Especially considering the fact that I had just finished saying that I was okay with not working until this Fall.

I was completely speechless. I couldn't believe it. The one thing I wanted so badly for what seemed like an eternity was finally within my reach. The real kicker was that this job was EXACTLY what God had promised to me all those months ago. He told me (in a dream) that I would be teaching at a new school and that I would start in the middle of the school year. The thing that gets me every time was that in my dream I was signing to my students in Sign Language. It seemed foolish to turn something like this down, so here I am a week later and that is exactly what I am doing. I am now the new 1st and 2nd grade teacher at the Deaf school here in town. How amazing.

I did have the opportunity to observe the previous teacher for only one day, but it was better than going in without prior exposure to an environment that is so incredibly different than anything I have ever experienced before in my life. This week has most definitely been very difficult learning new rules, procedures, and all the ins and outs of a new school, but it has also been extremely difficult getting used to teaching a group of students whose needs are much more intense and extreme than any I have worked with before. One thing that I do know is that I am exactly where God wants me to be right now. There is no doubt in my mind about that. These kids need me just as much as I need the exposure to something like this.

Right now I am considered as the long-term substitute teacher and it is very likely that I will not be hired for the following school year, but at least this is something to get my foot in the door. I have wrestled for many, many years about whether or not I want to get my Master's degree in Deaf Education and this is the opportunity I need to help me decide if this is something God wants for me. There are a lot of variables as to whether or not I decide to pursue the degree starting this Fall, or if I decide to wait a few years first.

Right now, I am happy for the job, for the students that have already impacted my life so much, and for God's unfailing faithfulness and provision for me. I sit here in awe of how God continues to provide at just the right time and not a moment sooner. I don't deserve it, but I am most definitely grateful. Yay, God!

Me? Impulsive? Maybe Just A Little

I've never really been an impulsive person.

It's just not me. I am so far from being impulsive, I almost have to look up the definition in the dictionary. Most of the things I do are mostly well thought-out and I rarely regret doing what I do...until today. Today was the day I actually acted upon an impulse, and now I'm seriously feeling quite a bit remorseful. It's not completely my fault, though. I blame my phone.

I have been having serious problems with my phone lately, and I have had enough. Over the past few months I've been experiencing more and more issues with my phone which has resulted in a growing aggravation with the phone itself. You name the problem, I've experienced it.

Here's a list of reasons why I acted impulsively today: (which I will share shortly what I did)

1. My phone rarely rings when someone is calling me. Yeah, I know. It's a phone; it's supposed to ring, right? Wrong. Not my phone. Everyone else gets a phone that rings, so why can't I have one too? Is that too much to ask? I think not! Don't even think of suggesting that I check to see if I have my phone set up to ring when someone is calling, I have checked numerous times!
2. While having an instant message conversation with someone, my phone will exit the screen and not allow me to return to my conversation. When I am finally able to return to my conversation, my phone refuses to allow me the privilege of continuing my conversation which results in a one-way conversation. It gets very upsetting to those who are trying to talk to me. They then get so frustrated that I do not respond to their texts, so then they call me. See problem #1.
3. My phone freezes up several times a day. Yes, I get that stupid hourglass thing that just continues to rotate without solving my problem.
4. Because my phone freezes up so often, I end up having to remove my battery countless times a day! That should not be happening, PEOPLE!
5. I have the privilege of receiving e-mails to my phone. Sounds nice, right? Not when the ONLY e-mails I get are JUNK e-mails! All the people on my safe list do not get forwarded to my phone, but all those who are in my junk box get forwarded to my phone! SO FRUSTRATING!!!

Over the past several days, weeks, months, whenever it was that I started having these serious issues, I have been seriously tempted to just run over my phone with my car. Being the rational person that I am, I stop myself before I get too far with that idea and realize that doing so would produce a much grater problem than necessary. Today, however, I gave in to that impulse and did something really stupid.

By the time it was 11:00 this morning, I had already missed at least three phone calls because my phone didn't ring (see problem #1). I was already beyond the point of getting annoyed. While driving home from an outing with my girls, I received a text from my sister (see problem #2) and was starting to get even more aggravated. As you can see, my frustration and lack of compliance from my phone had escalated this situation past reconciliation. I finally gave into my impulse and I threw my phone.

I didn't think it would be that big of a deal until I realized that I could no longer see where my phone went. You see, I threw my phone towards the passenger seat by the floor. My phone bounced a time or two and suddenly disappeared. I think it went up around the wires or behind some of the plastic covering that is stuck to the door or something. My only problem is that I can call my phone to see where it is, but again, it doesn't ring. I gave in to my sudden impulse and it didn't pay off one little bit. I don't feel the slightest bit satisfied with my decision. Here I have created a bigger problem than the one I had before.

"Just get a new phone," you might say. Yeah, that is easier said than done. I have already tried that avenue a long time ago. They don't seem to care that my phone doesn't do what a phone is supposed to do. I don't understand how I am expected to deal with the phone I now have and to suffer with it for much longer! Either way I go, I am getting robbed! I have been told that I can either upgrade my phone and pay about $300 for a better phone than the useless piece of plastic I now have, or I can wait until my early upgrade date.

This sucks.

Happy Birthday Meghan

Today is Meghan's 5th birthday.

I can't hardly believe she is already 5 years old. I know that doesn't seem very long to some people who have kids who are much older, but these past few years have gone by so quickly.

Meghan has grown up so much just in this past year I am excited for what this year has in store for her. Every day she is amazing me with something else she has learned or with her ability to charm me with her great personality. I know many parents feel this way about their children, so this shouldn't be anything new. I was reflecting on what I had to say about Meghan on her birthday last year, (which you can read here) and I would have to say that Meghan continues to grow in her compassion and love for others, her desire to learn, and being such a good friend to anyone who is around her.

Lately one of Meghan's favorite things to do is to draw pictures for people and to roll them up like a scroll which is held together with a rubber band. It's pretty cute. She LOVES to play on the computer on this website which is great for early literacy development. She is ALWAYS asking me to spell words for her as she has come to the realization that words contain letters and that each letter in a word work with the others to create specific sounds. This is a very exciting age.

I am so blessed to have her in my life. I am so excited for what God is doing in her life and how she is continually learning more about Him and what it means to love Him. I just pray that Meghan continues to learn more about all God has to offer us and that she will learn to listen to God and how to follow Him in everything in her life. I love you, my Meggie Beth. Happy Birthday.

Doing The Best I Can

There really isn't much else to report regarding the job hunt.

It's the middle of the school year. I recently filed for unemployment, so at least that will help some. It's not like we have many bills these days. That's what happens when you live for free with family. I guess it's not all that bad when you put it that way.

I did send out a couple applications this week. We'll see how that goes. One of the places I applied was for a 1st grade position. Yikes! After working in Junior High for the past three years, that would be quite an adjustment. I remember sitting at my computer and cringing as I clicked the "submit application" button. Beggars can't be choosers at this point. It's just that those little kids just understand me and my humor. When I was at my old school, I would say some sort of silly, off-hand, sarcastic remark to a little kid and they would just look at me completely puzzled as to what I said and then come to the realization that I was just plain weird. Oh well. We'll see what happens there.

Sometimes I hate submitting online applications. I truly do appreciate the convenience of sending everything electronically and making sure everything uploaded. The part I feel somewhat uncertain about is just that I sent all my information into this application abyss where hundreds of others have done the same. How do I know that my information is being passed onto the right people? I know there are people who do this for a job and make sure the applications get sent to the right people, but I can't help worrying. I guess the only consolation I have is that how many teachers are looking for a job in the middle of the school year? Seriously. Not many that I can think of. We'll see how this works out.

Until then, I'll just keep collecting unemployment which will go into our little (and I emphasize little because we don't have much at all) savings account for our future house (whenever that will be) and try to enjoy this unexpected phase of stay-at-home-mommy hood. I'm doing my best just trying to persevere through all this and to trust God that He has the timing worked out all perfectly and that we will all be okay in the end.

Now What?

I didn't get the job.

I'm just beside myself right now not knowing what to do. There's very little out there right now for teaching positions. Not too many schools are hiring in the middle of the school year.

I just feel so lost. Like I'm just hanging out here in limbo somewhere just waiting for something to happen, but nothing does happen. I can't help but feel so lost. Jason and I took a HUGE risk and uprooted everything and left everything that was familiar and comfortable and left it all for something we felt that God was orchestrating. I still feel that we are in the right place at the right time, but I can't help but doubt parts of it. What about me? Wasn't I supposed to get something out of this? What is that one key point or idea that I am missing? Will everything else work out seamlessly if I just get that one main concept God is trying to teach me?

I feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz right now. She had the power to go home the entire time while in Oz, but she didn't know it until the end of the story. She had to go through all the other stuff first before she was able to understand the moral that she was to take with her even after her adventure in Oz. Is this how it's going to be with me? Do I have to continue down my yellow brick road and stumble occasionally before defeating the wicked witch? Only to discover that I had the power all along to do what I ultimately wanted to do in the first place?

I know that some people dream of a point in their lives where they find themselves at a crossroads where they are given the opportunity to reinvent themselves, but I am not really diggin' it right now. I already know what I want to do. Or at least I think I do.

I know I can always be a substitute teacher, but the hard thing about that is the issue of daycare. I don't know how consistent things would be with subbing and if my paycheck could offset the cost of daycare. Jason thinks I should go back to school and get my masters in Deaf Education. I'm okay with that, but it's too late to enroll for the Spring semester, so then that takes me to next Fall. Okay, but what do I do for the next six months? I need something to take me that far.

I don't know what I'm going to do or where God is leading me right now. I know that God has a plan for me, but I'm just so deep in the midst of everything right now that I can't see it...and it's so horribly aggravating not knowing where you are going in your own life. I never knew until now how much of a purpose-driven person I am. I desperately need a purpose right now, and I don't feel like I have one and it's got me all out of sorts.

Feeling A Bit Anxious

Okay, here I go. I have my first interview today since quiting my job and moving to the Springs. I am very excited, but definitely a bit anxious. I feel somewhat lacking in the skills department, but I guess it stands to reason that aren't we all lacking in skills with most jobs we start at? Then through learning on the job, we all get better and more versatile with what we can contribute to the job? I guess so. I'm satisfied with that reasoning.

The thing about this job I am interviewing for is that I believe it is THE job God moved us down here for. So what am I worried about??? This being yet another example of God revealing to me the plans He has in store for me, but yet again having to wait for the right timing. This is most definitely THE hardest life lesson that I don't seem to learn well the first time.

I also feel a little pressure (from nobody but myself) to get this job because doing so would open us up financially so that Jason and I can finally buy our house. I am grateful for family that has allowed us to live with them temporarily, but I am just excited to have my own space again.

Where Has The Time Gone?

I can't believe it's already December.

I am sitting here reflecting on how drastically my life has changed since September, and I can't believe all this has happened and that I survived it all. Jason quit and started a new job, the girls started at a new daycare, and I quit my job. Most importantly, we have sold our house and we have moved past that obstacle so quickly it sometimes doesn't even seem real. I didn't get much time to process that part. That's what happens when you sell your house in only 4 days.

I would have to say that the most stressful thing about selling our house was having to deal with the petty demands from our buyers. I don't know if those people had ever purchased a home before, but I was getting really sick of them demanding silly little things and making it sound like such a big deal that it would cost us the sale of our house.

Seriously, there are thousands of houses in the world that are in worse condition than ours was in. The things that needed to be fixed were so minor, they had nothing to do with the integrity of the structure itself which would be a greater concern than making sure there was a carbon monoxide detector by the bedrooms. After we had the inspection, I was very pleased to find out that the things that needed to be taken care of were extremely minor and fairly inexpensive. Especially considering the state of the house when we purchased it as a foreclosure over 5 years ago.

I would have to say that the most frustrating thing we had to fix was putting a cover on our window well that lead to the basement. This was something we looked at purchasing a few years ago, but we soon discovered that there is no standard size for window wells, nor did we have a normal size that would fit just about any cover that could be found at your local home improvement store. We ended up purchasing a cover that was more than we wanted to spend, but it was the ONLY one that would fit our obscure size as the cover was adjustable.

When the buyers did their final walk through, they were very upset with the cover we purchased as they didn't feel it was secure enough. It was strong enough to support the weight of two adult males, but they were concerned their toddler would fall through. Give me a break! They also said that it was too loose. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Buyer, first of all, the cover was installed per the installation directions, and you also need to consider that if there is a fire and you are stuck in the basement, you need those little gaps to grab hold of and push the cover out of the way and escape safely. They first asked us to return it, but we refused as all packaging had been disposed of. They then had the nerve to ask us to fork over another additional $500 to have a cover custom made. I don't think so! There were a few other petty demands, but thankfully we were able to get past them and close on our house on the 24th of November.

Here we are living in our new city, but still homeless. We are grateful for wonderful family who have opened up their home and graciously allowed us to invade their home and temporarily call it our own. I have been unemployed for about a month now, and I am definitely feeling the strain of needing to get a job. I adore my girls, but I am not made to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy our summers together, but just about when I am feeling the need to be back at work, the summer is winding down anyways. The girls are also feeling the strain of fewer opportunities for social interaction. The job market isn't really very promising right now. Especially for teachers. Not many teachers leave in the middle of the school year. Except for me.

I do have a job interview set up, but I am feeling somewhat anxious about it. I know in my heart that this is something God had showed to me over a year ago, but I am still struggling with where he is leading me. The job I am interviewing for is basically THE ONLY position available right now, but I am not fully qualified for this position. I had a dream last night that I was basically laughed at during the interview due to my inexperience in this particular field. I know my dream was due to my anxieties and feelings that I am not qualified for the job. I really want this job. I know that if I do get this job, it is yet another confirmation of God's promise for my life and that all we have put our family through in the past few months would all have been for this job and where God is leading me. The other good thing about getting this job is that we would be that much closer to getting our new house. I can't wait to get back into our own place again. Life has been everything but normal for the past few months. I almost forgot what normal looked like.