Now What?

I didn't get the job.

I'm just beside myself right now not knowing what to do. There's very little out there right now for teaching positions. Not too many schools are hiring in the middle of the school year.

I just feel so lost. Like I'm just hanging out here in limbo somewhere just waiting for something to happen, but nothing does happen. I can't help but feel so lost. Jason and I took a HUGE risk and uprooted everything and left everything that was familiar and comfortable and left it all for something we felt that God was orchestrating. I still feel that we are in the right place at the right time, but I can't help but doubt parts of it. What about me? Wasn't I supposed to get something out of this? What is that one key point or idea that I am missing? Will everything else work out seamlessly if I just get that one main concept God is trying to teach me?

I feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz right now. She had the power to go home the entire time while in Oz, but she didn't know it until the end of the story. She had to go through all the other stuff first before she was able to understand the moral that she was to take with her even after her adventure in Oz. Is this how it's going to be with me? Do I have to continue down my yellow brick road and stumble occasionally before defeating the wicked witch? Only to discover that I had the power all along to do what I ultimately wanted to do in the first place?

I know that some people dream of a point in their lives where they find themselves at a crossroads where they are given the opportunity to reinvent themselves, but I am not really diggin' it right now. I already know what I want to do. Or at least I think I do.

I know I can always be a substitute teacher, but the hard thing about that is the issue of daycare. I don't know how consistent things would be with subbing and if my paycheck could offset the cost of daycare. Jason thinks I should go back to school and get my masters in Deaf Education. I'm okay with that, but it's too late to enroll for the Spring semester, so then that takes me to next Fall. Okay, but what do I do for the next six months? I need something to take me that far.

I don't know what I'm going to do or where God is leading me right now. I know that God has a plan for me, but I'm just so deep in the midst of everything right now that I can't see it...and it's so horribly aggravating not knowing where you are going in your own life. I never knew until now how much of a purpose-driven person I am. I desperately need a purpose right now, and I don't feel like I have one and it's got me all out of sorts.

Feeling A Bit Anxious

Okay, here I go. I have my first interview today since quiting my job and moving to the Springs. I am very excited, but definitely a bit anxious. I feel somewhat lacking in the skills department, but I guess it stands to reason that aren't we all lacking in skills with most jobs we start at? Then through learning on the job, we all get better and more versatile with what we can contribute to the job? I guess so. I'm satisfied with that reasoning.

The thing about this job I am interviewing for is that I believe it is THE job God moved us down here for. So what am I worried about??? This being yet another example of God revealing to me the plans He has in store for me, but yet again having to wait for the right timing. This is most definitely THE hardest life lesson that I don't seem to learn well the first time.

I also feel a little pressure (from nobody but myself) to get this job because doing so would open us up financially so that Jason and I can finally buy our house. I am grateful for family that has allowed us to live with them temporarily, but I am just excited to have my own space again.

Where Has The Time Gone?

I can't believe it's already December.

I am sitting here reflecting on how drastically my life has changed since September, and I can't believe all this has happened and that I survived it all. Jason quit and started a new job, the girls started at a new daycare, and I quit my job. Most importantly, we have sold our house and we have moved past that obstacle so quickly it sometimes doesn't even seem real. I didn't get much time to process that part. That's what happens when you sell your house in only 4 days.

I would have to say that the most stressful thing about selling our house was having to deal with the petty demands from our buyers. I don't know if those people had ever purchased a home before, but I was getting really sick of them demanding silly little things and making it sound like such a big deal that it would cost us the sale of our house.

Seriously, there are thousands of houses in the world that are in worse condition than ours was in. The things that needed to be fixed were so minor, they had nothing to do with the integrity of the structure itself which would be a greater concern than making sure there was a carbon monoxide detector by the bedrooms. After we had the inspection, I was very pleased to find out that the things that needed to be taken care of were extremely minor and fairly inexpensive. Especially considering the state of the house when we purchased it as a foreclosure over 5 years ago.

I would have to say that the most frustrating thing we had to fix was putting a cover on our window well that lead to the basement. This was something we looked at purchasing a few years ago, but we soon discovered that there is no standard size for window wells, nor did we have a normal size that would fit just about any cover that could be found at your local home improvement store. We ended up purchasing a cover that was more than we wanted to spend, but it was the ONLY one that would fit our obscure size as the cover was adjustable.

When the buyers did their final walk through, they were very upset with the cover we purchased as they didn't feel it was secure enough. It was strong enough to support the weight of two adult males, but they were concerned their toddler would fall through. Give me a break! They also said that it was too loose. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Buyer, first of all, the cover was installed per the installation directions, and you also need to consider that if there is a fire and you are stuck in the basement, you need those little gaps to grab hold of and push the cover out of the way and escape safely. They first asked us to return it, but we refused as all packaging had been disposed of. They then had the nerve to ask us to fork over another additional $500 to have a cover custom made. I don't think so! There were a few other petty demands, but thankfully we were able to get past them and close on our house on the 24th of November.

Here we are living in our new city, but still homeless. We are grateful for wonderful family who have opened up their home and graciously allowed us to invade their home and temporarily call it our own. I have been unemployed for about a month now, and I am definitely feeling the strain of needing to get a job. I adore my girls, but I am not made to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy our summers together, but just about when I am feeling the need to be back at work, the summer is winding down anyways. The girls are also feeling the strain of fewer opportunities for social interaction. The job market isn't really very promising right now. Especially for teachers. Not many teachers leave in the middle of the school year. Except for me.

I do have a job interview set up, but I am feeling somewhat anxious about it. I know in my heart that this is something God had showed to me over a year ago, but I am still struggling with where he is leading me. The job I am interviewing for is basically THE ONLY position available right now, but I am not fully qualified for this position. I had a dream last night that I was basically laughed at during the interview due to my inexperience in this particular field. I know my dream was due to my anxieties and feelings that I am not qualified for the job. I really want this job. I know that if I do get this job, it is yet another confirmation of God's promise for my life and that all we have put our family through in the past few months would all have been for this job and where God is leading me. The other good thing about getting this job is that we would be that much closer to getting our new house. I can't wait to get back into our own place again. Life has been everything but normal for the past few months. I almost forgot what normal looked like.

Caught In A Whirlwind

This past month has been a whirlwind of chaos, survival, tears, loneliness, and anticipation.

We put our house up on the market on Friday, October 9th and got an offer on our house on the 12th. Yes, it took us only one weekend to sell our house. There's no doubting God's plan here. I still have to pinch myself to see if we actually sold our house that fast. Especially in this market. We aren't making any money on our house, but God has definitely made it easy for us to walk away from our house with no extra expenses.

For the past few weeks Jason has been in Colorado Springs with the girls and I have been home alone. It has been quite the adjustment for us all, but we have managed to get by with weekend visits. I hate being the weekend parent. I know Jason hasn't exactly enjoyed being the single parent either. The girls have had their moments of acting out, but that can be expected due to not having mom and dad together and not living in your own house. Living with Jason's aunt and uncle has helped out a lot with the transition. They are such wonderful people and I am grateful to call them family.

Due to getting a contract on our house so quickly, I felt it was necessary for me to make preparations towards quitting my job. Telling my students I was leaving ended up being one of the hardest things I have had to do. There were quite a few students who were pretty upset about my leaving. I guess that can be a good thing. I wouldn't want anyone to be pleased with my departure. Part of me was glad and relieved to be leaving because this year has been so stressful for me. The other part of me was being dragged out kicking and screaming because I felt so bad for leaving my dear friends I had made at my work, and ultimately I was leaving my class. What a great group of kids I was blessed with over the years.

I put in my two week notice on the 20th, and yes, I am now unemployed. Yesterday ended up being my last day due to two snow days last week. I did not have to put in an extra day, but I did. I needed to say goodbye to my kids and my co-workers. I needed that closure, and I'm sure everyone else needed it too. Being there yesterday probably helped the kids with the transition between me and their new teacher, too.

Yesterday was a hard day for me. Although I have had moments where I have been so frustrated and upset with situations and specific people, overall my school had been good to me. There are amazing kids with amazing families in a community that truly did care about what I did as a teacher. This was my first teaching job. I guess every teacher holds a special place in their heart for their first class as well as the first school they taught at. If you haven't guessed it already, I am a very sentimental person.

My dear friend, Erin, had purchased a beautiful scrapbook and put together pictures of each of my students along with wonderful notes from every kid. I nearly cried right then, but I knew that if I were to begin reading the messages, I would most definitely cry. I did eventually cry when I read all the wonderful messages from my students. It amazed me (I don't know why) to see how many students wrote about how I had impacted them and their attitude towards school. I know I am in a position to influence my students in a positive manner, but I never really think about it. Being a teacher is often a thankless job which can be hard for someone like me who needs words of affirmation every once in a while.

Now that this chapter of my life is officially over, I am ready to move on to this new phase in my life. The moving truck arrives on Friday and we are packing up this weekend. That should be interesting. Leaving our first house. I had just found out I was pregnant with Meghan when we bought this house. This is the only home my girls know. Again, I am a very sentimental person and there are TONS of happy memories in this house. This house has suited us very well, but we always knew that it wouldn't last too long. There will most definitely be tears of sadness, but they will also be accompanied with tears of joy and anticipation for when we eventually buy our next new home. Whenever that will be. Hopefully our new house will be better suited to fit us long-term. I don't want to move around often.

Now all I need is a job.

Trusting God

Okay, so I know it's been a while since I last blogged. There has been a TON of new developments in my life recently that have consumed me like no other.

Here's the big news: we are moving. Yes, we are moving. This whole situation seems quite insane, but Jason and I have resolved ourselves to the idea that the crazier it sounds, the more confident we are that we are doing the right thing.

This all started a month ago (yikes! Yes, only a month ago) when we went to Colorado Springs over Labor Day weekend. While there, both Jason and I had gotten a strong sense that we needed to leave Greeley and move back to Colorado Springs. We had kicked around this idea off and on over the years but never felt that it was our time. I remember while on our visit one day I was praying and asking God to give me some sort of sign to let me know that the feelings I was having about moving back to the Springs were real and true and from Him and not just some fabrication of my own.

A couple days later Jason had come to the conclusion that it wouldn't hurt if he were to begin perusing the ads looking for a new job. He soon called my mom to get some advice on updating his resume as my mom is definitely the queen of writing good resumes. Not feeling that it was safe to share with her all the information yet, Jason just informed her that he was feeling bored at his job (which he was) and felt that he needed something a little more challenging for him. After offering some suggestions to his resume, my mom then asked Jason if he had ever considered looking in Colorado Springs. Yeah, it still gives me goosebumps just to think about it. This was the sign I was praying for.

My mom said that while she was visiting some friends over Labor Day weekend, she too felt that my little trip to the Springs was going to be pivotal and that we are needed back in Colorado Springs. God is so cool. When I had learned of this, I was overcome with tears and the realization that God had answered my prayer. I know He answers prayers all the time, but I can't recall a time where He had answered it so quickly.

Needless to say, Jason found a job posting and applied for the job just four days after our trip over Labor Day weekend. Within 10 minutes of sending his letter of interest and resume, Jason got a response. This company had been looking for someone for months and were ecstatic at the thought of Jason's qualifications and his willingness to relocate in such a short period of time.

After a lot of phone conversations back and forth with Jason, the company eventually called Jason in for an interview. What made this process so exciting was that once this company heard of Jason and his qualifications, they immediately took the job advertisement off the listing. They only wanted to speak with Jason. Very cool. I know he's a pretty cool guy to work with, but it's neat to hear that others are feeling the same way. Jason went in for his interview, and got offered the job that same evening. God was definitely working here. It sounds like a neat company that has great benefits and are willing to train Jason with the possibility of making him not just the Payroll Director, but eventually the Human Resources Director. Too cool. I am so proud of him. Jason starts his new job next Monday. I know. This has been very quick. He is starting his new job about a month after he applied for the job. The thing that makes this whole situation so amazing is that this position was THE ONLY one open at this time.

These next few weeks are going to be crazy. Jason is taking the girls with him when he starts his new job next week. We are grateful to Jason's aunt and uncle who have graciously opened up their house to us and are allowing us to use their basement temporarily until we find a place of our own.

Jason had taken it upon himself to help me out and find a daycare. I drove down to the Springs yesterday and took a look at the daycare which will work wonderfully. The nice thing is that it is only about 5 minutes away from Jason's new job. WAY better than the 45-minute drive we have been dealing with lately. The reason why Jason has to take the girls with him is because my daycare opens at 6 and I have to leave my house around 6 to get to work by 7. This was not going to work out for me.

Unfortunately, I have to stay in an empty house all by myself. I am going to be so lonely. Thankfully I have gotten offers from a great friend and co-worker as well as my parents to let me stay with them occasionally so I don't get too lonely. The other thing is that we are putting our house on the market soon (today) and the emptier the house, the better. I know that the market isn't looking all that great right now, but Jason and I are both confident that this is our time now and God will take care of it. One thing we have going for us is those last-minute first time home buyers who want to get in on that tax credit which expires December 1st. This house will sell. We have improved on it since the last time we tried to sell the house.

As for me, I am staying at my job until something opens up. Although there are days that I want to just get up and leave out of frustration with my boss, it isn't wise to do so. I have a feeling it won't be much longer for me though. I wouldn't be surprised if I get something that gets me started after Christmas break. That isn't too horrible. That's just 10 weeks of school left. I can handle it...hopefully. I know that there really isn't that much open for me as a teacher, but God is taking care of it. I am hopeful with the only prospect that is out there right now and that means I could possibly be working at the school for the Deaf there in the Springs. I don't know if this is where I will end up, but I am trusting God and doing my part in this crazy puzzle.

The thought of that terrifies me. Not that Deaf people are scary, but I feel so inadequate sometimes. I know I was an interpreter for about 5 years, but for some reason I don't feel good enough. I know I have a lot to offer as someone who grew up with a sibling who had a profound hearing loss. Jason reminds me that it is the times where we feel the most inadequate that God takes us and uses us for His glory. Okay God. I'm ready.

Here we go on this amazing new journey in our lives that has stretched us, grew us in faith, and trusting in God and His plan for our lives.

Audrey

Today is Audrey's 3rd birthday. It's funny how quickly I am able to remember the exact details of the day she entered this world. From the exact time my water broke, to the clothes I wore that day, to the last moments before she was born. She has touched me in such a way that only a parent could understand how a child can affect their life. Forever. I am truly blessed to be her mother. Audrey is such a sweet little girl. I remember what life was like before she was born, and I remember wondering how she would fit into our existing family. It's funny because now I can't imagine what life would be like without her. She is such an important piece in our lives that there would be an Audrey-sized hole in our lives if she were not here with us. There are so many things I love about her, but here are some of the main things that melt my heart:

1. Audrey will melt your heart no matter what she does. It doesn't matter what she is doing--she puts her own flair into the things she does that amaze you and leave you in a puddle of mush on the floor. Like when she takes off her shirt only to the point where the head hole is stuck around the top of her head so that it looks as though her shirt is her new hair. She is then often found prancing around showing off her new hair while flipping it around. It doesn't matter how angry you may be with her at a particular moment because she will just look at you with those big blue eyes and your heart will be hers. Thankfully, she is unaware of this power she has over us because I can definitely see her using it for evil if the situation presents itself. One of my favorite things she does is when she clacks around the tile floor in my heels. Yes, I do get annoyed sometimes at the noise, but it's just so cute how her little feet are swallowed up by my size-10 heels.
   
2. Audrey is super lovable. She is such a bundle of energy and so full of love that you can't help but to fall in love with her. She is ALWAYS willing to give hugs to anyone even if you don't ask for one. I know that after a long day at work, I can always depend on her to make me feel better with an Audrey hug. She just has that way about her that you can't help but to be drawn to her. Another thing she does that just melts my heart is when she calls me "sweetie". She will mimic what I do and how I talk, and then she will talk to me as if our roles had switched and then I am the sweetie. Too cute.
   
3. Audrey is a girlie-girl. She LOVES anything that is deemed "girlie". She is a princess--that is in her own opinion. Audrey will wear a dress everyday if they don't all get dirty first. She will take all her baby dolls everywhere she goes if allowed. Her favorite game to play with Meghan is mommy and baby where Audrey is the mommy most often. She is often found sleeping with her dress-up dresses over her PJ's. She would wear her play heels to daycare if she were allowed to do so. Audrey loves to sit next to me on my bed while I put on my makeup. She likes to play with all my brushes and to "put on" makeup of her own. Audrey got three different types of dress-up clothes for her birthday and couldn't be happier. If only there was a way she could wear everything at once.

Here's some of my favorite pictures of Audrey:

Audrey was born a week early and she was so tiny compared to her sister.

Audrey's first Independence Day Parade. I had too much playing with her to care about the parade.

Audrey's first daycare photo. I just love the look on her face in this picture.

Audrey absolutely LOVED this giraffe costume. She would wear it all day for several days if I let her. She was so upset when she grew out of it.

I adore this picture of Audrey. I took it while on our vacation this past summer. She just looks so grown up here.

Meghan and Audrey will always be the best of friends. It makes me so happy listening to them play together. I hope Audrey knows how lucky she is to have a sister who is her best friend. It's pretty special.

I love my Audrey so much. My birthday prayer for her is that she will continue to grow and learn more about the love God has for each and every one of us. May she continue to be blessed with good health and that she will one day hear God's calling in her life and that she will willingly follow His plan. I love you, Audrey. Happy Birthday, sweetie.

Fastest Isn't Always The Best

One of my favorite activities to do with my students is to give them a particular sentence structure (Adjective, Adjective, Subject Noun, Verb, Adverb, Adverb) and ask them to come up with a certain number of sentences with this structure in the shortest amount of time. I know that to any normal person who doesn't care about grammatical structure in sentences, this might seem like a stupid exercise, but it isn't. I'm not going to go into it too much so as not to bore you non-grammatically minded people.

Anyways, I split the class into small groups and gave the class the labels. I told the class that the group to finish the fastest with all their sentences in this particular structure would get a prize. Well, one group was trying so hard to go so quickly that the quality of their work was compromised...with quite a hilarious result. Take a look for yourself:

I tried to add the part at the bottom where it said that the student who wrote that sentence was trying to write "hungry" instead of what had actually occurred.

Needless to say, I was quite shocked and definitely hunched over laughing to tears. I couldn't contain it. I couldn't even get the words out to share with the kids that I was not laughing at the quality of their work as much as I was laughing at their unintended mistake. Once they discovered what they had said, they too were laughing pretty hard. We didn't discuss much further the remaining questions as that would have been pretty awkward as well as inappropriate.

I'm just wondering one thing: why does it matter how "hung" the hobos were while eating their hamburgers?

There's just some things you should leave alone.